I don’t know who Taken producer Luc Besson is or what he wants, but it so happens that I, and many other fans of the original Taken, come equipped with a particular set of skills—skills we’ve acquired over a lifetime of discerning between good and bad action movies, skills that make us a nightmare for people like him. If he stops churning out Taken sequels now, that will be the end of it. We will not look for him, we will not pursue him. But if hecomes out with Taken 3, we will look for him, we will find him, and we will kill him. Or at least kill his movie at the box office.

Hilarious.

A quick run-down should you ever find yourself trapped in a horror movie and would prefer to live to tell the tale.

1. Don’t have sex.

• Seriously
• Abstinence is key.

2. Don’t go out with people you’ve just met that day.

• I don’t care how good he says his weed is
• he is cuckoo bananas
• and he wants you dead.

3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.

• There are six words you should YouTube, should you get the chance
• “Kevin Bacon in Friday the 13th”

4. Find a good hiding place and… STAY. THERE.

• If the killer can’t see you or hear you WHY WOULD YOU MOVE?
• Possibly the easiest rule to follow and, ironically enough, the easiest to break.

5. Always wear sensible shoes, ‘cause you never know when you’ll need to run through the woods.

• Someone will always be barefoot
• Or in heels
• Or just plain clumsy
• And will sprain their ankles
• And die.

6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead.

• Don’t walk around looking for people
• House of Wax, anyone?

7. Don’t be a hero.

• Unless you’re name is Harry Fucking Potter, you will die.
• Hell, maybe even then.
• I mean.

8. If you hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate.

• The killer is there.
• Also your dog is dead.

9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle.

• The last thing you need is to be killed while trying to merge on the expressway.

10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, don’t ask a sketchy-looking townie for help.

• Some part of your body will wind up in his pick-up truck

11. Don’t go into the basement.

• They are creepy enough without you dying in one.

12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct questions about either the history of the home or the previous tenants, DO NOT MOVE IN.

• At some point, someone in the house heard voices and cracked.

13. Turn off the television (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it.

• It is obviously your wisest choice.
• SEE ALSO: poltergeist, daughter trapped in tv because of.

14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism. 

• Move very very far away
• Because there’s blood on your walls.
• Blood.
• Your
• Walls
• Are 
• Bleeding.

15. Don’t act like a detective.

• Some crazy Japanese kid who meows like a cat will attack you in a closet.
• If you live, awesome story to tell your friend, right?
• But if you die, it is like the opposite of awesome.

16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at.

• If more than five reports for “Missing Persons” pops up, you know not to go there.
• Issue. Solved.

17. Don’t get drunk. Or come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.

• Running away from a killer is that much harder when you’re tipsy and giggling.

18. If you see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick on you to scare you.

• It is the killer.
• ALSO: laughing while saying, “Tommy, is that you in that stupid mask? Oh, I’m so-o-o-o-o scared!” is not conducive to your surviving.
• Killers are very sensitive about their disguises.

19. Don’t take a shower.

• ONLY APPLIES IF:
• It’s past midnight at the campground you and your sorority sisters are staying at or
• The lock to the door doesn’t work and you hear creepy piano music

AND THE LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT:

20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out.

• Clearly the killer is not outside, now is he

^ Full of win, this is.

(via theharrypotterhq)

Why is it that such a far-fetched story sounds almost plausible when Scientology is involved?

Scientology’s first pick was Tehran-born actress Nazanin Boniadi (probably best known as Nora on How I Met Your Mother). After heavy preparations and auditing in October 2004, Boniadi met Cruise secretly in New York in November, going skating and spending the night together. But Cruise was almost immediately annoyed with Boniadi, complaining she didn’t gush enough love to him. But her biggest infraction was being rude to Miscavige—she repeatedly asked him to repeat himself, a big no-no in communications-obsessed Scientology. Scientology officials told Boniadi her relationship with Cruise was over in January, and she was sent to the group’s Celebrity Center in Florida, where after spilling details of the saga, she was punished by scrubbing toilets with a toothbrush and digging ditches in the middle of the night. Of course, Scientology denies the whole thing. (Note: Mark Rathbun, famous anti-Scientology crusader, says that the Vanity Fair piece was written without Boniadi’s involvement, and the actress has made no comments on her Twitter page).

And now I’m obsessed with movie gifs.

Here are three great ones from the “Wizard of Oz”:

“The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” 

One of my all-time favorite movies.

Edit: I found more!

I think “Vanishing Grand Central” is my fav.

(source)